hey barbie!
i love your new brickphone
content alert ‼️
Blame my sister-in-law. Blame my friend. I bought it! I bought the Barbie phone!
It's pink, and shiny, and it makes sparkle noises that sound like the sun on a Malibu sea.
The threats I've made for months... years, even? Cheap 'n' hollow ones. Saying out loud to others: I'd like a brickphone, I just think it'd be so cool.
Agreeing in principle: Yes, I've been thinking about getting one too, I read that article about someone who did it.
Asking: But do any of them have WhatsApp?
Nodding along: It's probably really good for you...
And here we are. The talk has (finally) been walked.
It's Day One outside the Big Brother house and Sarah is writing a SubStack about her less than 24 hours experience of "life" "without" a smartphone.
👹
Warning: The following contains scenes that some readers may find dull. This is the first instalment (find the second here) of a blow-by-blow account of my "so far, so good" tale of switching to a life slightly less governed (may be the biggest understatement ever) by a handheld, rectangular computer. Read at your own peril, because... what if I convince you too?
reality bites
I ordered the Barbie phone on my Google Pixel 6 whilst drinking the second coffee of the morning.
Full disclosure, I accidentally ordered two — so had to quickly resolve that... But after I was very sure only one would arrive, I felt an immediate disassociation with the screen staring back at me. Which was weird.
Swiftly entering stage left, however, was Buyers Remorse. Full costume and windmill arms, visibly distressed, in one last ditch attempt...
“Maybe I should have just bought a bloody landline, then I could have turned my smartphone off at home.” ⟡ “I could probably achieve the same effect by putting the phone on Do Not Disturb or Flight Mode.” ⟡ “How will I use my Boots Advantage card now, it's only saved in my Google Wallet?!”
Legitimate alternatives and concerns.
Yet, either in stubbornness or vindication, the Pixel really had become meaningless in that moment. And with a mild disgust, I decided to put it out of sight. A bond had broken. Like I'd just seen my crush with someone else at the Youth Club on a Friday night. Or that I'd given up smoking and snapped the remaining sticks in half as proof – physical proof *looks around at the faces in the room* – that I could be near them, and not need them.
It sounds wanky performative, but I hope my sincerity hasn't totally evaporated amongst the over-egging.
we're done
The pink box of dreams would arrive the next day, but my brain had already begun to reroute and plan for the imagined future scenarios with only a brickphone. Over the coming days, I would realise that I currently, exclusively, relied upon my smartphone for the following, not exhaustive, list:
Diary / calendar, appointments and reminders
Emails
Period tracking
Camera
Instant messaging (WhatsApp)
Video calls with faraway family (WhatsApp)
Non-urgent updates from preschool
Vinted (!!)
Online grocery shopping
Substack scrolling
Instagram lurking
News
Memory (via photo/video) browsing
Ticket purchasing and usage
Some card payments
Loyalty cards
File sharing (mostly WhatsApp)
Banking
Playing music out and about
Maps
Car parking tickets
The amount of things it may "impact" was hard to ignore. As I say though, Brain was doing the graft for me, adapting like a badger in the city, presenting me with workarounds and reassurances.
Looking again at the list more closely, I realised most of the activities/tasks/items in fact only required an internet connection and a computer, so they could be done on the PC... Another wonderful revelation was that I could print and laminate (you heard that right!) the barcodes of my currently digital-only loyalty cards... And those diary reminders? I got to buy a Filofax... 💖
☝️ Two more for the list:
Researching products
Facebook marketplace (via App)
It was clear there was going to be an adjustment period, and there would unavoidably be things I'd miss out on – like those too-good-to-be-true Vinted or Marketplace finds (and, ahem, important news updates) – from not using the Smartphone. Despite this, I remained optimistic I could push through any FOMO or inconveniences as they came about.
sharing the "news"
Though absolutely NOT bell-ringable, nor town-crier-worthy, I did still get a slight jangly tum when I was "letting people know" I'd be having a "digital detox", and would mainly be contactable via text and calls from now on. In the long-run, I worried (without grounds) that it might mean my friends and family would begrudge having to call or text, that I'd be the inconvenient one...
👽
The reaction was far, far from that. Supportive. Respectful. Encouraging. (I'll stop there as we're getting a bit Corporate Values cheatsheet). Seriously, though. I was taken aback by the love. All the support and validation from others made me realise even more:
it really wasn't a big deal to stop using a smartphone
caught short
So it's been less than a week and, sure: I'm walking the walk, but I don't yet have enough raw data to share the full impact of the decision. What I can say, though, is that I already have an unholy amount to say about this whole thing. I'm planning to write separately (find the next post here) about the immediate, practical adaptations I've had to make (including always leaving the house with a wallet, having parked in the town twice and not been able to buy anything); a bit more on my lifestyle, and why this is definitely easier to do than if I was living away from family, for example; plus, some cute home-brew socio-psychological takes. You are WELCOME in advance.
skip to the good bit
Just tell us what the Barbie phone is like, you sadist! Okay, okay. Sorry for the suspense.
The Barbie (flip-)phone is - as you can imagine - suitably outrageous for the job of distracting me from not being permanently connected. Everything is pink: buttons, casing, cable, and battery. It comes with two more (pink) cases, phone charms, a beaded hand-loop, and stickers that would make your six-year-old self melt with jealousy if your friend had them.
You can't delete Ken from your contacts. ⟡ It has some Easter Eggs which I haven't found yet — saving those for a rainy day. ⟡ There are a very limited number of polyphonic ringtone options, called: Coastal, Dreamhouse, Floating, to name the first three. ⟡ It has a mirrored front when closed to check your lipstick (for me though, read: salad in teeth) situation discreetly. ⟡ The font on the buttons is in cursive. ⟡ It has Snake, and it's been redesigned as Malibu Snake and it's on a beach with the sea at the bottom of the screen.
And this welcomed me as I turned the phone on for the first time:
💔
So there we have it. I've become someone with an interesting story for when I'm next at a houseparty. However, even though it's now Friday, I'll have to wait to post this until I next have my scheduled PC time.
lol :) xx
So damn cute.